i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
