Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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