Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
