I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
