Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
