Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
