No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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