I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
