Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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