I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
