So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
