lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
