He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
