Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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