Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
