I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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