There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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