I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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