And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
