Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
