on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
