Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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