Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
