I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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