I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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