I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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