Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
