i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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