she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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