On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
420 ftw
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
