there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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