I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
