Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
