Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
