Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
