you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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