like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
