I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
