i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
