In America we eat man semen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
