Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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