I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
