I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
