Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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