I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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