guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pooping to opera.
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