$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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