I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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