yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
