I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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