You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
