Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
