6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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