There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
