We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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