That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My life is pants optional.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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