At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
